Offended

So recently people have been telling me that I'm too "pushy" about breastfeeding. That I'm trying to "shove breastfeeding down their throats". That is the LAST thing I do. I post what I like, on my page, and if you like to look at it, you look. if you don't, skip over it. I do it all the time with other people's posts. I don't, and haven't ever, told someone that they MUST breastfeed or anything like that. And I've never put down another mother for anything she's done (assuming, of course, that she isn't putting her child in harms way...and even then, I comment respectfully so she won't shut me out).
Anyway, I was feeling really offended by people being offended, for the FIRST time in my life. So I talked to a few friends. And, I wrote this note to everyone:


To those that are offended...and those that are not

Many of you have noticed my recent posting of various breastfeeding awareness materials. To most that know me, this isn’t out of the ordinary. Nor are the postings offensive or excessive. But to some, they appear to be.

Seeing how I’ve been passionate about breastfeeding for over 11 years, and how my passion has grown over the years, the comments that people say to me leave me unaffected…until now. Over the years, there hasn’t been one thing someone has said to me that has made me angry, upset, or otherwise defensive of my postings or my position on breastfeeding. Then again, the people that commented were virtual strangers, uneducated (specifically about breastfeeding), and people that didn’t matter to me. And those that did know me understood me and knew that this was who I was. If they were troubled, they came to me with a civil discussion about anything that seemed bothersome to them.

Suddenly, however, there are people coming out of the woodwork, expressing their distaste in my postings. It seems some people are expressively (publicly and privately) disturbed by them. Most people that have expressed their distaste have done so in a polite, understanding, and non-confrontational way, but nevertheless…their words began to sting.

And I started to doubt myself.

For the first time in years, I let the comments get to me.

In response I turned to my closest friends; those that would tell me if I was over-doing it. Was I posting too much? Were my posts offensive? Why would everyone (really, it was just a select few) come to me around the same time? And WHY did I feel the need to defend myself? These are the friends that would be brutally honest, and in a way that I can appreciate.

And they reminded me who I was. They reminded me what I stood for. They reminded me that I needn’t justify MY convictions to others. They reminded me that MY page is for MY expression. And they reminded me that, for all I do, if I help just ONE mom, I am making a difference. In all my years of advocacy, making a difference to just one family has all I ever wanted to do.

So I went back a few years. I broke out my old journals. The ones that I wrote to help other mothers. The ones that I posted because I had SO MANY mothers coming to me for help that I couldn’t keep up. The journals that expressed my enthusiasm in helping breastfeeding families. The journals that I posted publicly so that every woman could see them (not just those that already had my help). The journals that I wrote with all the love and conviction that was inside me.

And then, I saw them…

The “Thank You” from the mom that was ready to give up.
The “Thank You” from the mom that didn’t know where to turn.
The “Thank You from the mom that wasn’t sure if she could do it.
The “Thank You” from the moms that I didn’t know.
The “Thank You” from the mom that wasn’t looking for help, but found it anyway…And
The “Thank You” from the mom that was too embarrassed to ask for help, but got the help she needed because of my post.

THAT is why I do what I do.
THAT is why I post my pictures.
THAT is why I post articles.
THAT is why I will NOT justify my postings anymore.
THAT is why I will continue to do this, and
THAT is why I will NOT ever doubt myself again.

I love what I do. I have devoted my life to helping women who want to breastfeed. I give my all so that other women can have a wonderful breastfeeding experience. I don’t expect everyone to understand…it’s something that only a nursing woman can understand. And, even then, there’s just a select few that can come close to understanding. I do, however, expect everyone to understand that this is my passion…and I will continue to offer my help to EVERY woman that needs and wants help. And, if I cannot help you, I will help find someone that can.

To those that are offended, I offer my apologies. Not because what I do is wrong or offensive or distasteful. Instead, I apologize because you cannot see what I do as wonderful.

To those of you that find encouragement and enthusiasm in my posts, I thank you. It is because of you that I continue on this journey through life. Your support and words of thanks are my encouragement. YOU are MY inspiration. For you, I am eternally grateful!

Neglect

I've been neglecting you, Blog. I've just been really busy. I have a TON of work for school due this week. My final is on Monday, though, so it'll be over soon enough! Then I'll finally get a break on studying!

My first enrichment meeting is coming up for my mother's group. I'm really excited! I've been working hard on getting this all together! I'm sure it will go well. I'm expecting 4 or 5 moms, and if they all show up, it'll be a success!

WBW is coming up the first week of August. Hopefully we'll be able to get things together for a celebration. It's just SO HOT in August (Hell, it's 100* out now, it'll be even HOTTER then!). Maybe we'll have our celebrations later in the year...who knows?

I miss writing and talking to my blog. I'm glad they don't hold grudges...

(or do they?)

Fish

I guess it's a good thing I got a fish. Right now, it seems like the only one I have to talk to is the fish with no name.

I guess it's just me. I feel like I have no one there for me. I can't call a friend to go out for a while, because I have no one to call. I can't call my sister, because she lives so far away. I can't talk to my husband, because he doesn't (care? have time? understand?).

Even my online friends aren't around right now. I feel so alone. And I'm crying.

I hate that they are having fireworks tonight. I love the whole 4th of July "thing", and I don't want to deal with anything today. I just want to crawl up in a blanket and be alone.

I'm just tired of crying. And even more tired of crying alone.

I even feel bad for posting this. It's not a "poor me, gimme attention" post...it's just that I need to talk about how I feel...and if I can't, I'll tell this little blog. At least the internet will listen...right?