New Year.

Well, in 2 days, it'll be a new year. So far, the new decade doesn't seem like it's going to be all that wonderful. In fact, I'm not sure I wanna join it.

Just thinking about it makes me sad.

I'll get a obligatory once-a-year kiss from my husband, at midnight, if we both manage to stay awake that long.

Other than that, I have nothing to look forward to, except standing in line at WIC, SSI, unemployment (with my hubby), and TANF (for welfare) and Food Stamps.

I hate that I'm in this position. I can't find a job.

What was supposed to be full-time turned out to be a VERY part time job--not even 7 hours a week. Of course, I'm keeping it...I need something! I'm applying at every place in town, but everyone is laying off after the holidays.

My hubby isn't trying. He either doesn't give a shit, or doesn't have the energy, or doesn't think it's as serious as it is.

I can't live like this. I feel like I'm failing my family. I'm trying so hard. I'm going back to school for the ONE class I have left. It's two days a week, but only an hour during lunch-time. I WANT to work. I'm looking for whatever I can find. I'm trying.

I'm more and more scared as the days dwindle away, and the bills begin to pile up. So far, nothing is late, but they are due soon. Slowly but surely we will begin to lose everything around us until there is nothing left.

Did I mention I'm sad? I'm struggling with depression something terrible. I hate feeling this way. I have no one to talk to, no one to turn to, and I feel so alone. And that hurts.