Medicated

So, after all that happened yesterday my husband and I decided on a few things.

We sent our 9 year old to my mothers house. Now granted, she's crazy, too, so I'm not sure it was really the best thing in the world, but I had to do something. At least he'll be away from the craziness that is our house right now.

And, I think I'm figuring this all out.

I really think this is all boiling down to my oldest child. I'm seeing a lot of meanness in him. Not so much anger or anything, but a lot of being a bully. I'm sure it's stemming from the issues he had at school, before I pulled him out, but that's no excuse.

Now, of course, we have this one on a very light dose of medication to help him find a balance. It's a light enough dose that it will calm him down enough to think, act, and do things clearly--without becoming a vegetable. You have to know who I am, and where I come from in my parenting to know that medicating my child is really, the last resort for us and our family.

So far, his medication has been working. We've had to up the minimum dose before, but it's because he's gotten bigger and older. He weighs a lot more than he used to, so it makes sense that it wouldn't be working anymore. Anyway, I think this is what's going on again. He's outgrowing his medication dose at this point, and becoming the "monster" that can't control himself, can't think clearly, and isn't behaving again. He is acting like a jerk to his younger brothers, and it's becoming too much...

And his brothers are paying the price. When this one behaves, there is harmony in our house. there's not stress, there's no bickering, no fighting, no back and forth between the boys. The house is virtually clean, the have a place to go in their room, and everything is fine. But now--it's chaos. Fighting, bickering, arguing, yelling, screaming--it's just too much for anyone to handle.

So, getting the younger one away for a while will help him regroup. It will also give us a chance to really concentrate on getting the oldest one back on tract.

Now, it's not just his fault. The 3rd child, who happens to be 7 years old, is the opposite--and yet, the same. He's realizing that his brothers are getting a LOT of attention because of their behavior. Naturally the "best" thing to do for attention is to behave the same way. Instead of being a "jerk" like the oldest, he's decided to scream longer and louder than any of them. This way he is being heard--and being hushed. We know that we can't react to the misbehavior because that would only reinforce the annoying screeching sounds. So, we look for the positives in his behavior.

So far, so good.

I only wish I could send them ALL away, and re-work on them one at a time. Of course, that's not realistic, but it's nice to dream.



Of course, if we really want to find out why all the boys are misbehaving (well, except for the baby), we have to look deeper into what's going on. I KNOW it's because my husband and I are just so busy lately and they are feeling neglected. My class schedule has changed. I went from one day a week to 3 days a week being gone in the evenings. My husband is working longer hours, looking forward to a possible (and very soon) retirement (sadly, all this "overtime" doesn't bring in any extra money. And soon, I'll be heading back to work, attempting a full time school schedule, and trying to do other things as well. I've put my volunteering on hold for a while (except for my once-a-month meetings) and I've cut out any extra-curricular activities on my part (no more girls' night out's).

Which, of course, makes things a bit harder on us as parents, but once we find our balance again, it will be fine.

Meanwhile, while the 9yo is at grandmas house, the rest of us are going to clean up the boys' rooms, giving each of them their own special place in the house. They have been old enough to keep up with their own rooms, but the chaos of everything hasn't made things very easy. So, with this weekend and starting over, it will really help to have a fresh start for them. I wish we could afford to paint the boys rooms, because that would just make the fresh start really, really great.

You know what else I wish? That I had someone to come help me with the cleanup and chores this weekend. I mean, the boys will help, and my husband will help, but I'm sure they are going to need a bit of "encouragement" to actually get up and moving this weekend.