So far, I'm liking it, but I don't want to be a zombie. I'm pretty sure that what I am right now. I started it today, Saturday, because I wanted my husband to watch me. So far, I've been gone for 2 hours, and he's gone now...lol. That plan isn't working well. We'll see what happens tonight.
Meanwhile, please forgive EVERY & ANYTHING I say for a while, knowing I'm newly medicated.
While I'm on the subject, I should mention how I've been feeling lately. I've been crying. Over everything. Sad crying. I don't have anyone to talk to, no one to take a few minutes to "escape" with. I used to go out with my SIL, but school is in the way of that now. I used to hang out with my nephew, but he's not around. I used to talk to my friends, even though they lived miles away, but I can't do that anymore. I used to talk with my husband, but I don't even have time for that now. I can't even talk to myself, because I can't find a moment to think.
And things are crazy around here. I mean, I knew that I was stressed, and doing too much. I knew this would be a heavy load. I knew that we would all sacrifice a bit so that I could get through these classes, and so that I could help the kids through school, and everything else...but it's been WAY too much for me.
My husband has been telling me for a while now that I'm over-stressed, and anxious and on edge all the time. Of course, I believed him, but I didn't think it was as bad as it seemed. Then, my doctor told me that I was tense and stressed. Yeah, I thought, but he doesn't know me. So I mentioned it to a friend, who I haven't seen in a couple weeks, and she says, "You just don't see it in yourself". And another friend says, "Sometimes it's hard to know when you are just over the edge".
How bad was I really? I know I was stressed, but I didn't realize it was at the point where I looked stressed, and crazy, and everything. As bad and sad and crazy as I was feeling...it was WORSE? Was it THAT clear to everyone but me? Am I THAT messed up?
No comments:
Post a Comment